“You can do it. Go ahead.”
My husband and I have said that phrase 1,001 different ways over the last 15 years of parenting.
There was the monumental first year of learning to walk – from the initial step to the first set of three stairs to rocky paths and sneaky hills in a park. After that it was onward into toddler fearlessness and the accompanying defiance of gravity. I definitely used the phrase on a daily basis back then.
And that didn’t end when elementary school began. Sure, it may have looked different, but really, it was still the same. Middle school, high school and college are proving to be the same. There’s a continued need for reminding kids to try and then try again, damning failure to just a pit stop before carrying on to the next adventure.
If I’m honest, my parents haven’t stopped saying it to me, either. Our phone calls are just the pep talks I need to take another step in many areas of my life. I would dare say that one of the most comprehensive areas of encouragement is with health and self-care.
My mom challenged me to view the ability to move as a gift, and to cherish it. She would take brisk walks to the mailbox and do entertaining squats with rhythmic breathing that I thought were hilarious. Plus, the workout gear from the 1980s that bled into the ’90s was priceless. Always great for a laugh and a half!
I have vivid memories of passing her room and seeing her lying on the floor with her legs flailing about, while she tried to follow someone on her TV screen. If my face was bewildered enough she’d pause to laugh. Then, she would lie back and kick up her legs to face the challenge again.
This graceful grit was so present for her. I’ve written before about the need to support our kids in the tough or embarrassing moments of life, but I didn’t always realize how caring for yourself needed to be modeled as well, although nudged differently.
It’s a beautiful blending of the growth mindset and holistic health. I hear it in her words to me now saying, “Be simple and consistent and do the best you can. Then, if that flops, don’t quit!” I definitely found her advice annoying as a high school student, and even a bit in college.
Now, it’s gold.
Because now it’s me lying on the floor at 6:12 a.m. on a school day. I’m finishing a weighted hip bridge when I see the laundry basket of socks hovering above my head as my kids ask if there are matches inside – because apparently they think I always know. Ha!
Today, it’s them listening to my self-recorded morning affirmations for my mindset and mental health. Sometimes it leads to more questions during the car ride … sometimes their mouths hang agape as they fall asleep.
There are great discussions of hair washing regimens for curly-haired ladies, and how drinking water affects so many parts of your body. That conversation has gotten more popular as supporting clear skin in puberty has grown in concern. I’m still working on fostering a love for leafy greens, but like my mom said, “If that flops, don’t quit!” I’m using all the pep talks I can.
There are days when my kids came home from school “starving.” You can hear their rage hit the fridge as they fumble through drawers, containers and bins, and the conversation usually goes something like this: “Mommy, is there anything to eat – I’m literally gonna die.” Those performances are always paired with drooping faces and bulging eyes. I’d nominate every last one for an Oscar, for sure.
“OK,” I say, “I have some hummus and carrots, or you can have some peanut butter … There are plenty of options here; we can find something.”
Then, the deepest, most dramatic sigh this side of the hemisphere interrupts me as someone invariably says, “I don’t want that. Is there anything else?”
At this point – if they don’t start grumbling about who ate the last bit of leftovers that could have solved this snacking catastrophe – I usually launch into a lecture about protein and body care. Then, once the snack emergency is solved, another conversation ensues about boredom.
Right on cue, I start sharing ideas for how we can move our bodies together. But more often than not these days, they do whatever else they think will be more exciting than joining me on a walk or in an outdoor game.
And that’s fine; it’s middle school and high school parenting. I’m OK with my 30% to 45% degree of “coolness.”
I’m just glad my kids will be thinking about me 20 years from now on Mother’s Day doing weird workout routines in my room and giving them snacks they probably still hate. But hey, they’ll know how to take care of themselves.
“You can do it. Go ahead.”
Diamone Ukegbu is a local Little Haiti artist, creative, mom and wife.
