It was supposed to be a nice night out.
Instead you drove around and around looking for the restaurant and – once you found it – you learned that you needed a reservation. Then the sour taste in your mouth grew even sharper as you sensed that your food, whenever you actually got to it, could be as cold as you suspect your date will be. “Gray Love: Stories About Dating and New Relationships After 60,” edited by Nan Bauer-Maglin and Daniel E. Hood, reminds you that looking for love didn’t look like this when you were younger.
You thought you’d be happy alone.
After the divorce, the funeral, the last breakup, you didn’t think a little “you time” was a bad idea. And it wasn’t – but love and someone to go to the movies with or dine with or snuggle with is more appealing now. But as the essays in this book from later-in-life daters aged 60 to 94 can confirm and as you’ve learned, that’s easier said than done.
You want a partner, someone your age, but you fear becoming a caretaker. You like doing your own thing, but having someone around to do it with would be nice. You enjoy other people’s company but you are “without intimacy.” Or you don’t want a full-time someone but it’s scary to think about “falling off a ladder alone.”
So you go online because, well, people don’t meet like they used to. That’s when you learn that dating sites are generally ripe with people who lie about their ages, who seem clingy or want things you can’t give, and who can quickly categorized as the “uncertain,” “angry” or “unattractive.” And – let’s be honest – a whole lot of jerks. Unlike real-life circa 1973 or 1993, there’s nobody to vouch for singles online.
You wonder, “What would I wear on a date?” And you may learn about scams the hard way. Dating someone of the same sex isn’t out of the realm of possibility, but nobody’s asked – or you did, and it was wonderful and why didn’t you do that before? Love is love. You date the wrong people, you date the right people, you’re exhausted and disappointed. And sometimes, even if just for a while, you’re again someone’s “sweetie.”
According to a study quoted in “Gray Love,” about 25% of American adults live alone. If you’re one of them and open to a relationship, you need this book.
Just know that this is not a how-to manual. Bauer-Maglin and Hood don’t offer advice in their introduction, and most of their storytellers don’t either. Instead, you’ll read tales of dating and mating gone happily right and very, very wrong, told in ways that will make you laugh, sigh and let you know you’re not alone in your search for love. The mixture here is diverse and wide: If one tale makes you want to swear off dating forever, the next one offers happily ever after.
Be aware, though, that a few of the tales inside “Gray Love” flirt with the explicit and others might ruffle a feather or two. Still, it could be great to share it with a millennial or older Gen Z’er. If you see this book on a bookshelf, take it out.
“Gray Love: Stories About Dating and New Relationships After 60,” edited by Nan Bauer-Maglin and Daniel E. Hood. Rutgers University Press. 303 pages. $24.95.