Lying to yourself.
It’s such a strange concept, if you really think about it. We spend our lives building systems, businesses, experiences that we enjoy – that are good for us – and yet so often the speed of life muffles our inner voice and its wise counsel, often blurring lines to the point we don’t realize that truth climbs in bed with lies.
Recently, my husband pointed out a subtle lie I had long held in my life, “I want to….”
I had been saying “I want to…” in so many parts of my life, when really what I meant was, “I want to want to.” What a tiny but powerful difference. That self-deception had unintentional ripple effects on relationships, decisions, and even my calendar. Having recognized it, I am experiencing a new personal freedom.
We can be remarkably good at deceiving ourselves, can’t we? And when that collides with parenting, heads up! The truth is, every one of us is learning as we go. That’s not failure — that’s humanity. When we bravely acknowledge something that needs adjusting, we unlock growth, closeness, wisdom, and deeper joy. Parenting gives us countless opportunities to practice this.
So, with the idea of practicing in mind, here are a few lies that parents embrace that I think could be better used as springboards for life-giving parenting moments. Perhaps these resonate with you:
LIE #1
IT’S BAD WHEN MY KID IS MAD AT ME
No, it’s not. Assuming of course, we are talking about unprovoked anger, temper tantrums, and anger at not getting what they want when they want it. Children who always get their way lose the ability to do the hard work. Your kids need consistent, steady, wise, and clear limits. When they violate those boudaries, there are consequences and often the resolution takes time and can be uncomfortable and, dare I say, annoying.
I don’t mind saying that I am terrible at this. I don’t like it when people are mad at me, particularly those I love. But with older kids now, I look back at those moments of discomfort and realize how much we were both learning. They practiced critical skills – how to listen, follow instructions, persevere, practice impulse control, and learn to share thoughts and feelings in reasonable ways. I learned that love can look a lot of different ways. Because in the end, when cooler heads prevail, and the moment of stress has passed, there are often deep conversations, forgiveness, and a path forward. Beautiful!
Truth: It’s OK to for your children to be upset with you. There is a wealth of information in those moments that teach you about the core of who they are…and who you are.
LIE #2
YOU CAN DO THIS ALONE
You cannot. It’s too much pressure, my friend. Everyone needs a little help sometimes. You know your children need friends to help them through life’s challenges, why shouldn’t you too?
Truth: You’re not weaker when you ask for help, you are stronger!
LIE #3
I NEED ELECTRONICS TO ENTERTAIN MY KIDS
Screens are not evil, but constant babysitting by devices has consequences. As my morning walking buddy said recently about the rising generation of kids in our schools, and I quote exactly, “Parents better wake the **** up!” A movie here or there isn’t the end of the world, but you are lying to yourself if you think using them as babysitters at home, in the car, at a restaurant, at services, or in school is OK.”
Yes, that impacts working from home.
Yes, it means they demand more of you.
Yes, yes!
Kids want their parents, but parents train kids to want a phone. It’s so easy, and encouraged by what you see around you, to use screens to silence your children. But the phone is never a replacement for presence, connection, boredom, imagination, and relationship. Use it sparingly.
Truth: You will never regret being present with your children, even if the sacrifices are great.
Now, back to my own lie.
You know what was hardest about the conversation with my husband? I honestly didn’t see his point at first. I’m grateful he persevered. Someone I loved helped me see something new, not shame or guilt, but gentle cheerleading toward something greater. That truth is worth fighting for. So go fight! Chase the truth around the world.
When wearing her work hat, Lisa Mozloom is a media and presentation training coach and PR practitioner at The M Network, but at home she is a woman passionate about raising three teens and loving her husband.
(Lisa Mozloom)
Lisa Mozloom