“Mom, I’ve been in a car accident!”
I was an hour away and my husband was out of pocket. It was a vulnerable moment for us all because my son was left to manage the situation pretty much on his own. Thankfully it was a minor fender bender, but the situation gave me pause.
We teach our kids how to pass their driving test and what they need to have in the car in case they get pulled over, but we don’t teach them how to handle themselves in situations that can get very, very stressful.
Statistically speaking, if you have a new teen driver they will absolutely get into a car accident at some point. Just let that sink in.
And because I’ve got two more kids who’ll be driving in the coming years, I wanted to make sure that they’re ready. This isn’t my area of expertise, so I called on my Upper East Side neighbor, Walt Allen, a retired Miami-Dade County police officer and father of two.
What are things we don’t think to teach our kids about managing a car accident?
Document the scene of the accident in case there’s a difference of opinion – and usually there is. If it’s a minor accident you’re supposed to move the cars to the side of the road, but before you do that photograph the license plates of all involved cars. Then call the police and take as many other photos as you can before moving the cars out of the way. People remember things differently when police arrive, so you’ll need them.
What is the single most important tip teens should know when managing the aftermath of a hit?
You can’t underestimate how far niceness goes. Saying you’re sorry and checking to make sure everyone is OK really helps.
Wait – say you’re sorry?
It’s not an admission of guilt, it’s saying you’re sorry to be in the situation. You want to make the interaction as positive as possible; everyone’s stressed. If it’s someone’s fault the police will figure it out. The important thing is to diffuse the situation, wait for the officer and create a safe space. Standing in and around moving traffic is the most dangerous place to be. Go to a median or the side of the road and if you can’t move the car, turn on its flashers.
What if someone’s being aggressive – yelling and screaming?
Take the photos you need, call the police and get back in your car.
What was a challenge you faced teaching your child to drive?
The biggest was getting my daughter to wait 3-5 seconds after the light turns green before going. It’s especially hard when people are honking, but you have to wait because someone is going to blow the light. Ignore the honking and watch out for yourself.
What should kids know about getting pulled over?
Talk with your kids about how to interact with officers. The time to have a debate is not when you’re stopped; you can sort out disagreements later. I’ve taught my kids to say, “I’m sorry officer, I may have been speeding” or “I may not have been paying enough attention.”
This sets things on an even keel. They’re human, and this kind of admission gives officers the ability to process their age and perhaps help correct the behavior. If necessary, and given the situation, your child might also let the officer know they want to call their parents. “Officer, I understand my parents are not here, but I would like to keep them informed.”
One last tip from Walt: Get your kid an OnShield or OnShield-style organizer to hold everything they’ll need if they’re in an accident. No need for them to scramble to find documentation when they’ll have other things to think about!
But what I took away the most was Walt’s sense of calm, that I’m certain he brought to every situation he managed as an officer. When our kids call us and utter those dreaded words, I think the best support we can offer is words of encouragement. Calm can’t be overestimated, and neither can the proverb “A kind word turns away wrath.” Although I’m pretty sure the writer never had to drive in Miami.
When wearing her work hat, Lisa Mozloom is a media and presentation training coach and PR practitioner at The M Network, but at home she is a woman passionate about raising three teens, loving her husband, and finding ways to extend hospitality and hope to those around her.