Dry mouth. Racing heart. Jumbled thoughts. Talking too fast.
For some people, these feelings strike during an office staff meeting. For others, it’s just asking a store manager a question. The idea of speaking up can feel so loaded with fear and potential criticism that it’s paralyzing.
But what if I said things could be different?
(Photo: Shannon Zalman)
Cushman School student, Isabella St. Amour, enjoys a moment in the limelight at the Middle School Oratory Challenge.
As parents, we have a chance to shape how our kids experience speaking long before fear sets in. Public speaking doesn’t have to be an anxiety-inducing ordeal. It can be a natural act of sharing — whether in a classroom, at a dinner table, or in a future boardroom.
ELIMINATING STAGE FRIGHT
“I don’t believe in stage fright,” said Lisa Swanson, director of performing arts at the Cushman School in Miami.
Her warm, confident voice radiates excitement about oratory experiences and infers that early adoption of public speaking can mean stage fright is never even part of the equation.
“The best way to build fundamental confidence is to get in front of an audience,” Swanson said. “Start young. Positive reinforcement from adults and audience members are building blocks for public speaking. It has to start early because children are uninhibited. By the time they realize what they’re doing, it’s already second nature.”
Lisa Swanson, director of performing arts at the Cushman School
At Cushman, oratory skills are woven into every grade, from kindergarten through high school. Students graduate without the baggage many adults carry about getting in front of a group. Unfortunately, most schools don’t give public speaking the same focus. And I can tell you from personal experience of hearing my children talk that in many instances, teachers treat presentations like an end-of-the-semester slow ride to vacation rather than an absolutely essential skill that will serve them the rest of their lives. No wonder so many adults still rank public speaking among their greatest fears.
That’s where parents come in.
Getting your child to school is just one part of their education. What you nurture at home makes the biggest difference. Even if you personally dread public speaking, your child doesn’t have to inherit that fear. With simple, intentional experiences, you can help them associate speaking up with confidence instead of nerves.
EVERYDAY BUILDING BLOCKS
One of the easiest and most powerful tools is show and tell. You don’t need a classroom to do it. Invite a few friends over and encourage the kids to bring something to share. Show and tell is the perfect training ground for storytelling because the prop itself acts as a natural launching point. As someone who coaches adults in public speaking, I think it’s ironic that props used for elementary show and tell lessons remain one of the most important tools in adult presentations as well. Kids get this early.
Family traditions can also become safe, regular speaking opportunities. At Thanksgiving, let children share what they’re thankful for. At New Year’s, invite them to talk about their dreams for the year ahead. At birthdays, encourage them to prepare a few kind words about the guest of honor.
These small, meaningful moments create positive memories of speaking in front of others.
Beyond the home, there are endless opportunities: summer theater camps where kids learn breathing techniques and body awareness, church or synagogue readings where the audience is warm and supportive, youth clubs where kids report on projects or experiences. Live audiences, unlike screens, create a powerful feedback loop. The smiles, claps, and encouraging nods from listeners teach a child that their voice matters.
These little investments add up. A child who is regularly encouraged to speak will grow into a teen and then an adult who feels at home in their own voice. The benefits ripple everywhere, including confidence in job interviews, clarity in expressing thoughts and ideas, comfort in social situations, flexibility to think on their feet, and creativity and improved critical thinking.
Most importantly, they learn that their words have power and deserve to be heard.
“We aren’t looking for perfection, we’re looking for moments of victory,” she said. “First the child stands on the stage, and that’s their win. Then they sing or act out a scene in a play, and that’s their win. By middle and high school, they’re reporting formally on their studies, research, and world view.”
Step by step, the stage transforms from a source of fear into just another seat at the table where ideas are exchanged.
HOW PARENTS CAN HELP
The recipe is simple. Be purposeful, make it easy, and celebrate the small wins.
Next time you host friends for dinner, ask your child to share a story with the table. Thank them for speaking, point out something you liked about how they told it, and let them take an internal bow. The same goes for any moment they speak in front of others. Applaud the effort, not the polish.
Confidence isn’t built in one big performance. It’s built in dozens of small ones. Your praise after each attempt lays the stepping stones for the next.
When children learn early that speaking up is safe and rewarding, they carry that confidence for life. They’ll be more willing to raise their hand in class, more comfortable explaining their ideas in a college seminar, and more persuasive in the workplace.
The goal isn’t to raise polished public speakers, it’s to raise kids who see their voice as a gift worth sharing.
So be intentional. Encourage the opportunities. Thank them for sharing. Positively cheer their good storytelling. Let them take an internal bow. With your support, stage fright won’t be part of your child’s vocabulary. Instead, speaking will feel as natural as joining the conversation at the family table.
When wearing her work hat, Lisa Mozloom is a media and presentation training coach and PR practitioner at The M Network, but at home she is a woman passionate about raising three teens and loving her husband.
(Lisa Mozloom)
Lisa Mozloom