“I can breathe again,” my friend said.
“I had said the same thing just this past weekend,” as I finished out the long events’ season…
That’s how this month’s Family Matters column was supposed to start. It was going to be all about how to live life fully even when you don’t have answers to weighty problems.
I’m sure it was going to be a great column. Someday, perhaps soon, Lisa will finish that column. More likely, however, when she has a moment to come up for air.
As you might have guessed, this is not Lisa Mozloom. It’s her husband, Thom. I’m the guy who reads her columns before the editors read her columns, and most definitely before you read her columns.
I’m the answer to the question, “Lisa Mozloom is married to whom?”
And I’m one half of the enigma, “Would you ever put those two together?”
To say that Lisa and I are opposites might be an understatement.
She is sunshine and light, and I’m… well…
She’s a morning person. Don’t speak to me until I’ve had a shower.
She drinks her coffee with milk. I drink mine black.
She prefers white. I prefer red.
She writes family columns crafted to uplift. I use words as sharp implements designed to spark debate.
I’m writing this column because it’s the time of year when Lisa is at her very busiest. All her clients have their biggest projects. There are charitable events and, of course, family. But there’s only so much of her to go around. Amplifying all of this is the fact that Lisa is a pleaser. She thrives when everyone gets along.
Maybe this sounds familiar. Maybe this is you or someone you love.
December is the time of the year when pleasers get overwhelmed. There are so many to please and not enough time. Life turns into a treadmill and that turns pleasers like Lisa into a ball of nerves.
My wife does this because she cares. She cares about everything and everyone. She cares that she does a good job. She cares that she is a good friend. She cares that nobody is offended.
There’s all the typical work stuff: “How will I get things done before the end of the year?”
There’s new family dynamics with our middle kid graduating high school and our youngest ready for her driver’s license. “They are all growing up too fast!”
There’s the added work to make Christmas memorable.
There’s all the stuff that’s starting to happen to our bodies – wrinkles, gray hair, cankles? (I don’t even want to know.)
And, on top of all of that is the stuff about this column: “What if they don’t like what I write?”
As a person who is the polar opposite of Lisa, I am generally unencumbered by any of these feelings, as you may have noticed from some of my past op-ed columns.
I’m pretty stoked that my kids are growing up. In fact, I’m excited to see who they are turning into, and I love connecting with them as adults.
My Christmas shopping is done. (Don’t hate.)
I really don’t care what you think about my opinions. In fact, I’m happy to answer all the questions you might have about them.
As for my wife and I getting older? She’s more beautiful, inside and out, than ever and I don’t really give a crap about wrinkles. As for me, I was never all that anyway, so who cares?
But none of this is the point of why I’m writing my wife’s column for her.
The point is that as we head into this new year, we have to grasp this concept that we’re in this together.
We’re opposites. We think differently about the world. We have different priorities. We articulate ourselves differently, but, in the end, we’re a team. And when one of us needs a hand, the other is always there to lend it.
I know you think the last paragraph was about Lisa and me, but it was really about all of us.
That’s the point of this family column – family is a really big word. Family isn’t just the people with whom who you share DNA; it’s the people with whom you share common interests.
Whether you like it or not, whether you agree with me or not, we’re family because of our proximity to one another. We’re family because of our shared interest in our neighborhoods’ thriving. And we’re family because we really are all in this together.
We may not share the same outlook. We may not share the same politics. We may not share the same religion. Some of you lunatics might actually like pineapple on pizza, but that doesn’t change the fact that we all share the same goals: We want our children to be safe, our neighborhood to thrive, and the people around us to share a mutual respect for one another.
So, here’s what I want you to do to help achieve that goal. Rather than seeing your neighbor and asking them, “How’s it going?” ask them, “Is there anything I can do for you? You need help with something?”
Then do it.
It may be something simple like, “Would you mind checking my mail while I’m away?”
It may be something uncomfortable like, “Would you mind praying from my relative or friend?”
Or it may be something simple like, “Could you write my column for me this week?”
Love thy neighbor.
Those who know the origin of “love thy neighbor” will recognize that it’s the second most important thing you can ever teach your kids, celebrate about your better half, or do for one another.
From the Mozloom family to your family – whatever it looks like – Season’s Greetings, Friends!