I think I’ve always wanted to fall in love.
To have the time-stilling moment, where I jump right off the balcony onto my Aladdin’s magic carpet gliding toward the moon. Clearly, I’ve thought about this a lot and have seen the 1992 animated film too many times to count or for me to admit.
I wanted the friendship side of it all plus the fuzzies. You know, like Drew Barrymore in the movie “Ever After,” that turned simmering banter into reminiscing and reading in the library, progressing to professed love in the best version of the Cinderella story. The ending always gets me, when the prince comes to rescue her and to ask her forgiveness, only to find she's rescued herself because her dad gave her all she needed to be her own woman. So, when he offers his plea for forgiveness and his love, and she accepts, it’s purely because she loves him. It gets me every time.
I wanted all my family relationships and friendships to feel this way, too, the kind of love where your world was bigger and better with them in it. “Bridge to Terabithia,” “My Girl,” “Forrest Gump” – the type of love and friendship that lasts until the literal end.
I’ve had movies and books give me a picture of friendship and love, but what drew the desire out of me was the picture of love around me. I had the gift of my parents walking through life together with all highs and lows, and continually joyfully, choosing one another. It made me want to risk it.
We all know there’s a risk to relationships and yet, a necessity to it all. The basic needs of humans include social realities that should echo back out to others, that we all matter and need one another.
We need each other like we need the distant farmer caring for healthy chickens during this current egg scarcity. We need them, though we may not have ever met them.
We also need each other like a sibling you bicker with, only to find friendship that weathers time, circumstance, and distance.
We need each other like the best friendship and love story you’ve ever known. We need them all.
I’m aware that there are versions of relationships that are not healed, healthy, or an example of what we desire. I know many of us have had relationships that left both parties hurt in a myriad of ways.
I know there are readers with experiences of devastating abuse of trust and openness in a parent, child, peer, or romantic partner relationships. Sadly, these are real and true.
But that’s my whole point. What makes us want to learn how to desire good relationships or even grow the ones that we have into a better version?
In college, my boyfriend (now husband) and I met a wonderful couple, Bill and Kitti Murray. They became the uncle and aunt we never knew we needed. We were different in many ways, but our hearts clearly connected.
We met them 30 years into their beautiful, imperfect life, and we found in them such resilient joy and hope, no matter what they faced. Bill was diagnosed with a then-rare form of cancer and given months to live when they got married in 1978, but they loved and lived beyond that point to be able to share their story with others and us. They peeled back the curtain of their life in all the colors of loving others, building a business, raising kids, figuring out birthday gifts or laundry, and looming health challenges.
So, when we leapt into marriage and life, they were another sweet picture of grungy, powerful, hopeful, love in relationships.
We shed tears of immense sadness, yet overwhelming joy, at the funeral of laying Bill to rest a few summers ago. Weeping with Kitti was such a mosaic of joy at the sweet stolen time of 45 years with Bill and the poignant sting of the end. But, still with hope.
I still believe in that hope. I believe in it for the people who need support to heal with professionals or guidance. I believe in it for our upcoming generation. I believe in it for the flourishing of the world.
Call me idealistic or a Disney fanatic, but I believe true friendship and love exists, and it is a story we can tell and model to our kids, including the ugly parts of our stories.
It's the hopeful month of May, when graduation season is here, right next door to the allure of summer and Mother’s Day. Please don’t take this article as a sign to let your young ones run off with their boyfriend or let them rain on your parade of joy on May 11.
You may need some practical wisdom with the hopefulness of love, relationships. and life. If the eyes of someone you love seem to say to you, “Teach me how to fall in love,” show them by modeling how to love themselves – their design, their flaws, their gifts. You display it for them by taking a risk in loving your friends, spouse, partner, and family well through the craziness of life. You show them resilient hope that comes with sweetest love in all relationships, marriages, dating relationships and friendships alike.
Who knows? The magic carpet might just fly right by, begging you to hop right on.
Diamone Ukegbu is a local mom, musician and writer. She loves stories of joy, hope and adventure - like living 25 years into the future past Y2K.
