“Mom, he smells like Macy’s!” she laughed.
And she was right! Right out of the store, wearing perfectly fitted workout wear, something between what my kids would wear and what I would want to – he fit in with our family the moment he walked through the door. You might be thinking that I’m talking about meeting a boyfriend, but no, I’m talking about a dance instructor who came to our house this summer with a most impossible task, “Can you teach us to dance Salsa in about an hour?”
It was a last-minute, impetuous decision to look for a dance instructor. There were a bunch of reasons I did this, most importantly we were about to go to our dear friend’s daughter’s wedding. Lily is Cuban and over the years I have attended more than one family gathering where it’s like watching a dance competition unfold before your eyes. Dancing, as anyone reading this who has lived in South Florida long enough, is really the glue of so many social and familial functions.
I, however, am white and my husband is of Lebanese/Italian heritage from New Jersey. Funny enough …though my upbringing and his are completely different, we both grew up watching our parents dance the Foxtrot and the Waltz. I distinctly recall putting my feet on top of my dad’s feet as he waltzed me around the living room at about age 6 or 7, helping me to understand the rhythm and movement.
Mom stood in the corner and smiled. When I was finished, they would show us how it was done as they sauntered across the room, turning at just the right time. While mom was wearing a pair of shorts, I imagined her in a pretty dress on a Bridgerton-ballroom floor. But that was many years ago!
Now in South Florida, I understand the lyrics, “hips don’t lie” and I knew that when we got to that wedding, my kids’ hips would tell the truth – they had not learned the Waltz or Foxtrot let alone any Latin dances!
I really didn’t care if they actually learned Salsa or not, it was simply an excuse to bond over a collective experience. And that’s what we did. It was important as my son was two weeks away from beginning his Army career and I was fixed and focused on creating as many family-connection moments as I could before he left.
I knew if someone NOT named Mom came to our house to tell us how to do something, everyone would fall in line and that’s exactly what happened. Mr. Macy’s energy and enthusiasm hit the spot and before you knew it all inhibitions were gone, vanished in the task at hand.
The girls took turns with Mr. Macy’s and my son, who, fresh from a military basic training school, looked a little like a soldier following formation to the beat of the music. Eventually his body warmed up as he paired with his sister and followed the teacher’s gracious corrections. Meanwhile, my husband Thom and I got to brush up on dance moves we had learned at a dance studio before we had kids.
We had so much fun, leading my husband to say, “Who can be in a bad mood when you are learning to dance!”
My heart raced not just from the exercise, but from an overwhelming sense of gratefulness that any parent, who sees their kids growing up way too fast, would feel.
Our instructor never let on that we were far from mastering the steps. He even stayed 15 minutes over his hour appointment. “1-2-3 (pause) 5-6-7! 1-2-3 (pause) 5-6-7… And remember to practice!”
After Mr. Macy’s was gone, we kept on in the kitchen ….”1-2-3 … 5-6-7…” Thom and I agreed that it was the best $125 we ever spent. When they are young, it’s easier to create family time, but when kids start driving and begin nurturing new, independent friendships, it gets a lot harder.
So, for the readers who still have several weeks of summer before school starts, I’m sharing some alternate non-dance ideas we’ve tried to help improve family ties.
Create an at-home cooking competition using only the ingredients you have in the kitchen and have every dish be judged by a family member.
Agree on a streamed series to watch and sit down together as a family to watch it in its entirety.
Jump into the car with your bathing suits on and no towels, umbrellas or chairs (Apply sunscreen at home). Run in the ocean for a bit, then let the sun dry you off before getting in the car to return home. It’s a quick trip – no fuss, no muss.
Summer provides the opportunity for parents to find time to connect with their teen without them knowing what you are doing. It will pay off. In fact, one of my biggest personal payoffs was at the wedding when all three kids finally peeled themselves off the folding chairs and hit the dance floor. While awkward at first, they were swept up in the joy of the day.
When I looked up and saw my son half-marching, “half-salsa-ing” on the dance floor with his sister, I thought, I will never forget this moment … dancing the summer away.
When wearing her work hat, Lisa Mozloom is a media and presentation training coach and PR practitioner at The M Network, but at home she is a woman passionate about raising three teens and loving her husband.
(Lisa Mozloom)
Lisa Mozloom