Lessons in Behavior from Andrew Cuomo

Like many people watching the downfall of New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, I was glad to see him do the right thing – resign. But it was no cause for celebration.

At the start of the pandemic, we were transfixed by his daily news conferences. He was the governor we wished we had. People were abuzz about Cuomo all over social media, wondering if it was too late for him to run for president to give the Democratic party a star to run against Donald Trump instead of having to “settle” on Joe Biden. Now Biden is president and Cuomo has disgraced a dynastic family legacy begun by his father, the late NY Gov. Mario Cuomo. How many times have we seen talented male politicians fall because of inappropriate sexual behavior? Too many.

Women often joke that the male mind is hardwired from the brain to their genitals. “Sex on the Brain?: An Examination of Frequency of Sexual Cognitions As a Function of Gender, Erotophilia, and Social Desirability,” a 2011 paper published in the Journal of Sex Research, gives that a fair amount of credence.

The article detailed a study in which researchers gave 283 students at Ohio State University clickers and asked them to record whenever they thought about certain subjects – food for one group, sleep for another and sex for a third. The sex group was specifically told to only click for erotic thoughts. On average, men reported 19 thoughts about sex per day. I rest my case.

Now back to Cuomo. His resignation speech was, disappointingly if not surprisingly as disgraceful as his behavior. Here are some direct quotes:

“The most serious allegations made against me have no credible factual basis. There is a difference between alleged improper conduct and concluding sexual harassment. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not to say that there are not 11 women who I truly offended. There are. And for that I deeply, deeply apologize. I thought a hug and putting my arm around a staff person while taking a picture was friendly. But she found it to be too forward. I kissed a woman on the cheek at a wedding, and I thought I was being nice, but she felt it was too aggressive.

I have slipped and called people ‘honey,’ ‘sweetheart’ and ‘darling.’ I meant it to be endearing. But women found it dated and offensive. I said on national TV to a doctor wearing PEE and giving me a COVID nasal swab, ‘you make that gown look good.’ I was joking, obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have said it on national TV … she found it disrespectful. I have been too familiar with people. My sense of humor can be insensitive and off-putting.

I do hug and kiss people casually, women and men. I have done it all my life … in my mind, I've never crossed the line with anyone. But I didn't realize the extent to which the line has been redrawn. There are generational and cultural shifts that I just didn't fully appreciate.”

Full stop. The line was redrawn a long time ago. Perhaps Cuomo was too powerful and too arrogant a man to see that line, or maybe he's just lying. It's particularly inexcusable because he's too smart not to have kept up with the times. We expected more from him than the average Joe.

So, let me spell it out for you. It's not okay to refer to women with whom you have virtually zero familiarity as sweetie, sweetheart, honey, darling, baby or anything like it. That goes double when addressing female subordinates in the workplace. Stick to Miss (insert first or last name here). Do not ogle, whistle or look women up and down to their face – practically drooling – and tell them how good they look. Keep your comments to yourself.

A grown man once asked my then 19-year-old pink-haired daughter if the windows matched the drapes. Seriously? She was a CVS cashier at the time and responded with much more class than I would have – but I digress.

Cuomo did not address allegations that he groped an administrate assistant's breasts. I guess that is the accusation he will deny to his dying day. Just in case you weren't aware, that is a big no-no. As is grabbing a woman's buttocks or any other part of her body. That will always get you into trouble. How many anti-sexual harassment trainings must you endure to understand these basics?

There were only a few kernels of truth in Cuomo's painful 20-minute speech, including “We have sexism that is institutionalized. My daughters have more talents and natural gifts than I ever had. I want to make sure that society allows them to fly as high as their wings will take them. There should be no assumptions, no stereotypes, no limitations.”

What a sad ending to almost 12 years as governor. Arrivederci, Andrew Cuomo. Stay home for a while and figure out how to behave when you reenter the world stage. Figure out where the new line is.

Emily Cardenas is the executive editor of The Miami Times. She previously worked as a producer at WTXF in Philadelphia and at WSCV, WFOR and WPLG in Miami.