Reconciling With the Woman I See in the Mirror

It’s a new year – what better time to talk about looking your best than now? 

In between ads pitching this new weight loss program or that gym membership incentive, messages everywhere remind us there is help right around the corner for your stubborn gray hair, double chin, frown lines and crow’s feet. Beauty can run as deep as a surgeon’s scalpel. 

My first recollection of plastic surgery was watching the many changes to Michael Jackson’s face. I seem to also recall Joan Rivers taking on some new looks over the years that were quite “awe inspiring.”

Eventually cosmetic surgery came closer to home, with offices opening everywhere putting Florida at the top of the pack for surgeons per capita.

But then came Botox! 

Compared to surgery, it was cheap, easy and fast, and really did wonders without anyone noticing exactly why you looked so much younger. A powerful weapon in the beauty box, no doubt! Suddenly what was only for the über rich, was attainable by the “everyday” woman. 

I’ll be honest, I’ve thought about Botox. Especially when my husband bet his dermatologist a free Botox session for me if he won a particular bet. Yes, it was all in fun and games, but I did think “hmmm, maybe I should make sure he wins this bet?”

When I was younger, I proudly boasted of how important I thought it was to embrace one’s age. “Who cares if you have wrinkles!” I would have exclaimed. “It’s character … it’s beautiful … it’s real. We age and we change.”

But now at 50-plus, I’ll be honest, I’ve thought about it. Sure, wrinkles are indeed character. I know lots of non-Botoxed beautiful women whose wrinkles fade behind their beautiful hearts, personalities and love of life. I appreciate the fact that they buck trends and don’t cave to commercials promising a younger look. 

Yet, let’s be real – I still find myself looking in the mirror on occasion and wondering … a little tuck here, maybe? A little Botox there? Would anyone really notice? I’d look so much younger at client meetings.

I see the TV commercials and notice that no one is advertising reasons not to get my face done. I’ve even tried to figure out how to justify just doing it. “Just dive in and give it a try,” I say to myself.

But with three kids, car insurance for my 17-year-old son, college on the horizon, the always growing list of things to do around the house and so many needs in the community, I just can’t justify it. 

The literal buck stops the mental conversation. 

As Miami's culural and party season moves into high gear and the pressure to look your best at this gala or that event is upon us, I have come up with my own “glass half full” approach – a way to make peace with my increasing number of wrinkles. A little positivity goes a long way in helping accept who I am becoming and how those physical “defects” reflect my real-life experiences. So here are ways I reconcile the me I am coming to see in the mirror. 

My laugh lines: They’re from laughing at the barrage of funny that comes out of my husband’s mouth, watching the gazillion funny videos on my phone of the things my kids have done and being surrounded by such amazing friends who bring me joy. I’ll take them. 

Furrowed brow? That’s about problem-solving. A million times a day we carry the weight of our responsibilities to our spouses, kids, jobs and community service, but those hard thoughts lead to solutions. 

My forehead wrinkles speak to all the joy and surprises that come with raising kids and managing a busy household. (“You went swimming where?” “You told the teacher what????”) 

Lip lines, my favorite. I estimate that by the time my kids were 5, I’d kissed them about 82,000 times; 27,375 times from the time they were between 5-10 and nearly 10,000 times from the time they were 10-13. I’ll stop there, but let’s just say that’s a lot of imprinting and repetitive motion in an area of my face clearly missing that all-important age-defying collagen. I’m still trying to steal at least one kiss a day, so those wrinkles are here to stay. 

I have yet to figure out a way to come to grips with the strange things happening to the skin on my neck or my changing waistline, but give me a little time.

In the meantime, for those who are barraged with those ads boasting perfect this and that, I hope this gives you a little license to embrace what your wrinkles represent about your life. 

May you celebrate all your perfect imperfections, party without a care in the world about whether your wrinkles show your age – or not – this year. And may the joy of living create indelible marks on your hearts.

Until then, as my sister says, “Bangs before Botox!” 

When wearing her work hat, Lisa Mozloom is a media and presentation training coach and PR practitioner at The M Network, but at home she is a woman passionate about raising three teens, loving her husband, and finding ways to extend hospitality and hope to those around her.