A Dolls’ House Where Abject Terror Resides

You forgot there were strings.

You forgot who was doing the talking, too. No, your eyes were stuck on the puppet with a funny voice that made you forget that this was a show, that a bit of cloth and a wooden face were only objects of theater. Didn’t you see the puppeteer’s lips move? And, as in the new book “How to Sell a Haunted House” by Grady Hendrix, wasn’t there a human holding the strings?

Driving by it, her parents’ house looked smaller then she remembered.

Then again, it had been some time since Louise Joyner had been home. Years ago, she’d escaped the place and never looked back, returning only when necessary – like now, when she and her brother, Mark, had a double funeral to plan and that shabby old house to clear out.

She couldn’t say she had a bad childhood, but it wasn’t normal, either. Nancy Joyner had been a good mother, but her focus was more on doll collecting, puppet making and puppet ministry for the church. Sometimes, it felt as if Louise and Mark were raised with a third sibling, a ratty old puppet named Pupkin that their mother had had since she was a child.

That was embarrassing and somewhat traumatic, which is why Louise moved to California long ago, as far from Charleston as she could get. But then her parents were killed in an accident and she had to hurry home – and if that wasn’t enough heartbreak, she learned that they’d left everything to Mark, except their mother’s artwork.

And it didn’t help that her brother was being a jerk.

Mark wanted the house cleaned out immediately, even before the funeral. He tried to bar Louise from getting their mother’s crafts and dolls, that awful taxidermy squirrel Nativity, all the marionettes and puppets and Pupkin, but Louise was adamant.

She wanted that awful inheritance.

Truthfully, though, she’d probably throw it all away later. True fact No. 2: the legacy left to her by her mother was a collection of creepy, and it represented the worst parts of her childhood. Yes, she’d just go home and forget it all happened.

But she wouldn’t go alone ...

If there was a dial on the outside of “How to Sell a Haunted House,” you wouldn’t be surprised to see it turned up high. The story inside this book offers maximum frightfulness, freaky googly eyes and dolls that move. The only thing missing is a ghost.

Oh, wait – there’s one of those, too.

Plus nightmares, animals with tiny teeth, electric tools that behave on their own, the requisite scary attic, beloved stuffed toys with the capability for disappointment and a thick thread of dark humor trailing lazily throughout. Hendrix absolutely knows how to make the hair stand up on the back of your neck, but he also knows how to wink at readers who are ready to get a joke.

Why, oh why, does it always have to be dolls and puppets? Because it does, of course. And for that, you’re going to love “How to Sell a Haunted House,” no strings attached.

“How to Sell a Haunted House” by Grady Hendrix. Berkley. 432 pages. $28.