Biscayne Crime Beat August Print
Written by Derek McCann, BT Contributor   
August 2017

policeman_stopIn Crime We Trust

400 Block of NE 76th Street

We want to believe others will do the right thing or, at the very least, not care if we’re waiting on an order of cheap turtleneck pullovers from Amazon. This woman waited for her package to be delivered, but after hours of sitting at home, she figured she could leave a note and that UPS would leave her package on the patio in a discreet place. They did, but that just means “free stuff” for the underground shopping community anyway. No forced entry or broken glass. Just another Miami reason not to assume the best about your fellow citizens.


On the Lookout for Well-Coiffed Bad Guys

700 Block of NE 79th Street

Owner received a call from a client, who told him the backdoor of his house was wide open. When he arrived, he noticed items missing: his Dell laptop, iPhone, and a turbo hair dryer. Total value around $800, though that figure doesn’t take into account the lost files, phone numbers, and hair follicles that aren’t coming back. Victim didn’t have serial numbers, as most people don’t keep a running tab on that sort of thing on their hairdryers, though the Turbo 3200 is a great hair dryer. Police ended their narrative with “no further information to report.” Keep filing those reports, Miamians, and maybe we’ll catch a well-coiffed bad guy here and there.


Naivete Scene

NE 3rd Street and Biscayne Boulevard

Victim pulled his car into a parking lot and someone impersonating an attendant advised him it cost $20 to park there. He then lowered the price to $15 (special early bird rate?), but the driver saw a sign stating it cost only $7, so the attendant agreed. Ah, this customer has street smarts. The driver only had a $100 on him (as we gather no one carries small change in areas where muggings occur) and handed it to the attendant, who informed him he’d be back with the change. Unsure how long the wait period was before this chap knew he’d moved into crime-victim category, but we guess he still had to pay $7 to the real parking attendant. Enjoy your stay.


Just Joking...Not

100 Block of NE 82nd Street

Woman was with a group when she put her phone down in front of her, in full view, and with many eyes watching. A male who was passing by reached down and grabbed the cell phone, causing this victim to laugh as she assumed it was prank. He kept walking to his U-Haul truck and, sure enough, drove away. Okay, now the joke is wearing thin. She must be thinking at least, “Oh, I made Crime Beat. Score. Please bring my phone back.”


Fashion Sacrifice Is Worth It

1800 Block of NE 123rd Street

North Miami is moving up in the world. LA Fitness has been part of this revitalization process, so residents now have this great resource at their disposal. It’d still be wise to carry the old wallet in your tight spandex shorts, despite the ghastly look. This person left a Louis Vuitton wallet, valued at $360, secured in a locker. Unknown persons cut the lock and removed the wallet, with its credits cards and victim’s keys. Amazing that no one saw this. Leave that fancy designer stuff at home, folks, and stick with worn-out sweats pants with plenty of old-school pocket room.


Back to Clunky Flip Phones

500 Block of NE 125 Street

At the trusty 7-Eleven, a man warmed up his soup and placed his phone down, as one usually needs two hands to move a bowl in and out of the microwave. Instead of placing his iPhone 6, which police report valued at $949, in his pocket, he set it on the counter and left the store without it. Ouch. There may be video footage, so local office pools can take bets on how long it took before the phone was stolen. We take the “0-30 seconds” box.


Looks That Steal

1400 Block of NE 123rd Street

Victim left his apartment at 7:00 a.m. and returned seven hours later to find that a mystery person(s) had removed the screen from his front window and gained entry. And they got good loot, including a 47-inch flat-screen television, a $600 money order earmarked for rent, a checkbook, a car radio, and a New York Yankee sweatshirt. The dog cage was covered with a sheet in an effort to keep the dog from barking. Victim believes it was his upstairs neighbor, who he says was suspiciously watching him as he left. That alone should be enough to make an arrest, and if he has a Boston accent, probable cause.


Fat Joe No Show

1100 Block of NE 145th Street

Police responded to a late-night report of an active burglary. Upon arrival, they found a Ford Expedition backed into a house with the engine running, but no lights. A man was located near the area and he hid behind a garbage can when he saw police; he was then ordered to the ground. A new GE washing machine sat near the car, and the front door frame of the home was nearly torn from the hinges. The man told police he was robbing the place with “Fat Joe” and that Fat Joe was supposed to meet him there. Fat Joe ran off when he saw police. His accomplice ratted him out, but he was the one who still spent the night in jail. Fat Joe has not been charged.


Living the High Life on Their Dime

700 Block of NE 2nd Avenue

Who doesn’t like a free meal -- or better yet, knowing you’ll get something for free because you have no intention of paying? This person ordered a bottle of Captain Morgan, six glasses of sex on the beach, a glass of Patrón, french fries, and 12 chicken wings, but both his cards were declined when bill time came. He went to his car to get cash, but never returned, leaving his debit card and Florida ID with the wait staff. Surely, there are better venues to get your con on, but the happy-go-lucky fugitive will likely hit Pizza Hut next.


The Vagrant Offender Gets Pinched

1700 N. Bayshore Dr.

Seems like every neighborhood has one. Here a shabbily dressed roamer grabbed a purse from a woman walking her dog. A good Samaritan called the police and they tracked down this vagrant. This same man had tried to steal beer from a nearby gas station earlier and threatened several customers at McDonald’s by attempting to pillage the riches of the malnourished dollar meal crowd. He’s now off the streets till further notice, so go about your business as usual.


This “Biscayne Crime Beat” first appeared in August 2015.


Feedback: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it