One thing about Aventura’s main park: It’s really, really safe

An adventure awaits any visitor to the parks of Aventura, much like the adventure of trying to enter Cuba. “No es facil” is a common Cuban saying that would apply to both situations. It’s not easy.

To get to Aventura’s main park, Founders Park, you may end up circling the Aventura Mall a few times before realizing that you should have made that left turn at Condo Albuquerque. Once at the entrances, you must decide if you are a leftie or a rightie, as the park is divided by 190th Street into the larger northern section and the smaller southern part.

Go right, young man. The southern part promotes socialism by allowing visitors to park for free. Although small, it boasts a walking path, clean bathrooms, and a waterfront. Sometimes parents bring their children here for lessons in soccer, which seems to be a socialist sport.

Beware the left. Here capitalism shifts into high gear in order to protect the children (but only the children on the left, who are clearly rightists). Visitors must flash a residency card, which determines whether or not they are contributing to the Aventura economy.

If you live anywhere else, you’re not. Never mind the mall. Those not accompanied by a resident must pay $5 to enter and an additional $10 to use the splash pad. Fifteen bucks for a park without a Gap and a food court? No thank you.

Then there are the rules for journalists, especially ones with cameras. Even if they offer to pay $5, they are not allowed to enter. I know, because it happened to me. I had to turn on my heels, cross the street to where I had parked my car for free, and leave.

After obtaining the necessary paperwork from city hall, I was “permitted” to enter with camera and notepad in hand.

Look out! Here comes the scary journalist with his ballpoint of death!

Honestly, what did they think I was going to do? It feels strange to register in order to visit a park, and this level of hoop-jumping is unprecedented. Of the dozens of others parks in Greater Miami I have visited, this was a first.

Now here’s my opinion of the park -- drum roll please -- I like it. It’s very clean and feels very safe. The restrooms are immaculate. They have two clay tennis courts. But other than that, it’s not worth the entry fee. Go to the mall instead.

Boo!

Did the park critic scare you?

Deep breath.

If you live in Aventura, no doubt you have taken advantage of Founders Park, which is named after the founding of the City of Aventura in 1995. In the center stands a podium celebrating the city’s tenth anniversary in 2005.

The park’s biggest weakness is its location next to the William H. Lehman Causeway (State Road 856), because that side of the park is noisy. The south side, on the other hand, has a tranquil canal that connects to aptly named but misspelled Dumbfoundling Bay. (It should be Dumbfounding.) Of course, this being Aventura, the water is secured behind a steel fence. Don’t even think about fishing here.

The main features of the larger north side are a high-quality baseball diamond, a large grass field, a playground, tennis courts, and the no-depth water park, or “SplashPad,” as they call it. The splash area opens on weekends in March and also on weekdays during the summer. But don’t pay $10 to visit it. Skip it, or find a friend in Aventura who can sneak you in for free.

Just don’t pretend to be a journalist!

The playground is very popular with the condo mothers and their nannies, and the children seem to like it, too. A large section is conveniently shaded in an exemplary way, and other Miami parks could learn something from this tarp.

Another outstanding and nearly unique feature of this park is recycling. I have been ranting and raving about how almost none of Miami’s parks recycle, and here in Aventura they offer it, along with very good trash cans. They even have an electric cart for shuttling staff between parks.

Founders Park really is quite nice, and clean, and apparently safe, but my experience of being denied entry makes me feel that it is overly sanitized. Much like the rest of Aventura, everything is enclosed behind a fence and reserved for VIPs only. (Residents of Aventura, you’re all VIPs to me). Perhaps they should change the name to Clorox™ Park. Then they could earn residuals!

The park does fall short in some areas. No barbecues and no other heat sources of any kind are allowed, meaning your children won’t be eating hot dogs and baked beans at that birthday party. No es facil.

On the south side by the water fountain, a fire extinguisher case was mysteriously empty. Had someone used it recently on a flaming journalist? No es facil.

The tennis courts are closed from noon until 2:00 p.m. to allow for watering of the clay. Um, isn’t that the time of day when evaporation happens most quickly? Don’t water-conservation rules tell us not to water during the daytime? I guess these rules don’t apply to clay. No es facil.

The ice-cream vending machine is not accepting bills! ¡No es facil!

Children of residents have many options here to join various sports clubs: Little League baseball/softball, soccer, fascism for beginners. In case you were wondering, I made up that last one.

A new baseball league for men is also getting started.

Founders Day takes place in November and this year will celebrate Aventura’s Quince. I expect the city to do something very classy and very boring.

But the park is safe. It’s safe. It’s safer than the nearby mall, where anyone could enter. Practically any pedophile and mass murderer could follow you into The Gap and watch you buy jeans. That probably won’t happen in Founders Park -- at least in the northern section.

Can you blame the residents of Aventura for wanting to create some safe spaces? The world is a dangerous place, and everyone needs an escape where they can breathe some fresh air and stretch their legs on a quarter-mile pathway. The residents of Aventura have that for free on the north side of Founders Park.

For the rest of us? Well, let’s party for free on the south side of Founders Park. But don’t bring your camera, and leave your press pass in Havana. I wouldn’t want you to miss the aventura.

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