Beautification Comes with a Price
500 Block NE 82nd Street
Miami residents live on the American Riviera, a place where aesthetic wonders rule the day. However, we attract subversive scum who also appreciate this beauty. This poor chap planted flowers all along his backyard and was proud of his accomplishments. A day or so later all the flowers were gone, ripped from the ground by some criminal flower-power reject. There are no leads, only weeds where once there have been beauty?

Just Following Police Orders
100 Block of NE 49th Street
Police were dispatched to the scene of a reported burglary. When they arrived, they saw a man struggling with a window-unit air conditioner. This happened before any change in our weather, so the man’s motive was understandable. The police told him to drop it, and he readily complied. Thud! He was arrested. The air conditioner was now broken. But the owner did get it back.

Jalousies Are Increasingly Dangerous
700 Block of NE 75th Street
A man came home to the unfortunate news that his living room had been ransacked. Many items were missing as the criminal seemed to have taken his time. Apparently the jalousie windows on the door had been removed, the metal screen behind them pried open. The burglar then simply reached in and unlocked the door. Jalousie windows are great for air circulation, but Boulevard residents must remember that they’re from a different era, a time when people (if you can believe this) actually left their doors unlocked.

No Peaces for Crackheads
6500 Block of NE 2nd Avenue
In busy Miami, everyone is entitled to a little solitude -- even crackheads, we imagine. This druggie was looking for a quiet place to smoke and stumbled upon a vacant HUD property. An oasis of tranquility amid the city’s hustle and bustle. So he sauntered onto the property to take in some good old-fashioned Miami rock. But police on routine patrol spotted him and promptly arrested him. The man admitted to his need to smoke the crack. Perhaps in the future he’ll see the wisdom of going to a respectable Boulevard crack house.

So This Is How You Start a Business
100 Block of Biscayne Boulevard
Video cameras observed a man leaving a restaurant with a red tool box and a book of some sort. The man was an ex-employee who had worked in the pastry kitchen. He’d been fired just the night before. The book he stole was a pastry cookbook, something exclusive to the restaurant. When the manager called him at home, he admitted to taking the book, and that he was in the process of making photocopies. At press time, the book had not been returned. BT readers: Be on the lookout for new bakeries along the Boulevard.

Terror by Mail
600 Block of NE 80th Street
Victim went to hang his clothes in the back of his apartment, then left the premises. When he returned, he discovered that his apartment had been burglarized and that his clothes were missing. A week earlier he, he told police, he’d received a mysterious letter in the mail, warning him that he was being watched. There are no suspects -- yet.

Maybe He’ll Pay for Bail?
401 Biscayne Blvd.
A man enjoyed a nice meal at a popular Bayside Marketplace eatery. Nothing wrong with that, except that he walked away without paying. This is common in Miami. What is not common is to walk past the same eatery several hours later, which is what this mooching fool did. Restaurant employees spotted him and pointed him out to police. As he was being cuffed, the man admitted to eating the meal, but offered: “Yes I eat, but I don’t pay. I never pay for food.” Well, he won’t have to pay for the meals at county jail either.

Taken for a Ride in the Worst Way
NE 79th Street and Biscayne Boulevard
Victim was waiting for a bus when a four-door, dark-colored vehicle pulled up. He was asked if he wanted a ride, and he accepted, entering the vehicle, which did take him to his destination. Unfortunately for this passenger, $135 was missing from his shirt pocket by the time he was dropped off. Somehow the driver managed to take it while he had his other hand on the steering wheel. The poor victim didn’t even have money to get back home.

If You Can’t Trust Your Broker, Who Can You Trust?
2000 Block of N. Bayshore Drive
In the cutthroat world of real estate, your average broker is looking for an edge in this downward economy. This victim went on vacation and left a key with his broker so she could show the apartment in his absence. No one else had a key to the apartment. According to a neighbor, a suspicious couple, one of them a broker, entered the apartment one morning without authorization. Several items were stolen. No word yet if the broker’s client will be putting in an offer.

Hanging Out: Miami Style
200 Block of NE 29th Street
This victim went out of town for a couple of weeks and was sickened to return to a burglarized apartment. His gun was among the items stolen. The perpetrator had entered the apartment without any sign of forced entry, and ate his food, smoked cigarettes, and adjusted the air conditioner as he looted the residence. There may be witnesses, but neighbors have thus far refused to cooperate.

No Interest, Easy Withdrawal
1800 Block of N. Bayshore Drive
In yet another example of Miamians using special places in their homes as banks, this man, we gather, laundered nearly $3000 behind his bathroom mirror. One day, needing to make a withdrawal, he found that the money was gone. He called police and admitted he had broken up with his girl friend that same day, but is not sure if she took the money! (The police report also used an exclamation point.) The money has not been located, and neither has the former girlfriend.

Road Rage Hell
NE 15th Street and N. Bayshore Drive
In a horrific incident, a woman was in her vehicle, windows down, waiting at a light when a man got out of his own car and approached her. He started to punch her repeatedly, screaming, “I’m going to kill you!” A witness to the scene chased the psychopath, but he got away. No arrests have been made, but residents are warned to consider keeping those windows closed as this is not the only incident of its type this month.

Gassy Theft
600 Block NE 83rd Terrace
A meter reader for TECO People’s Gas noticed a gas line with a direct hookup to an apartment, except there was no meter. Company records revealed the account had been closed in early 2007 but usage continued. A total of $500 worth of gas had been used since then. That’s a lot of cooking!