The Biscayne Times

Jul 09th
A Crystal Ball for 2020 Miami PDF Print E-mail
Written by Nancy Lee, BT Contributor   
January 2020

Predictions, a wish list, and gotcha’s

MPix_EyeonMiami_1-20y predictions for 2020 are all over the place. I want to warn you that this list is diverse and colored by my hatred of the passage of time. I dream all the time that people are going to die, and then they never do. If I look at you funny, I might have had one of those dreams about you. I don’t put a lot of stock in my own predictions, but you should. Here goes:

I do expect I will be very cranky all year, especially if Ruth Bader Ginsberg dies. She has a better chance of kicking the bucket than I do in 2020. Mostly because I’ve given up chocolate, except in chocolate chip cookies, so I’m on the healthy side.

I don’t expect anything bright on the Democratic presidential choice. I’m still holding out hope for Oprah Winfrey. I think the rest of them are pretty mediocre, but I guess I have to give a prediction. Whoever will lose to Donald Trump by the biggest margin will be the Democratic candidate, and I predict that will be Mayor Pete. I can’t even be bothered to learn how to spell his name. It’s not that I don’t like him (I did send him five dollars), it’s just that he has no chance.

If Oprah doesn’t run, Donald Trump will get four more years to torture us. I know this is an unpopular prediction, that he will win the 2020 election, but look at the bright side…and hope it isn’t followed by a mushroom cloud.

Climate change will keep happening and people will be getting more boats. I expect houseboats and live-aboard sailboats to boom in sales. I’m putting all my money into watercraft, and I suggest you do, too.

The wall might not go up for Donald Trump on the border, but I predict the wall proposed by a state agency to stop sea level rise will go up in Palm Grove, smack in the middle of the city’s historic district down Fifth Avenue. The residents, unconvinced of the feasibility, are buying wetsuits in bulk.

I predict an all-out fistfight between Alex Diaz de la Portilla and Joe Carollo on the Miami City Commission. Joe will get a broken jaw so he can’t talk the rest of 2020, and Alex will slip, avoiding a punch but getting a concussion that will leave him as crazy as Joe.

I love to swim, so I predict the beaches will be closed most of the summer because of some sort of pollutant/bacteria/virus.

Aventura Mall will soon be closing dozens of stores. People trying on clothes and then buying them online is going to catch up and destroy retail. Although Aventura Mall is the biggest under-roof, air-conditioned walking track in the county, you have to get there early so those pesky people don’t get in your way.

I predict that a car will stop for a pedestrian in Aventura this year. Long shot, but I really think it could happen.

I have given all the people in my favorite Starbucks nicknames -- like Forest, Buttons, Eddie Spaghetti, etc. I predict that will be the next trend in coffee shops. Just how many crappy sweet, 2000-calorie drinks can you think up? There just has to be a new trend at that store. Flavored syrups mixed with milk and a dab of coffee are going to go the way of the CD, and you can’t make money on people using your electricity all day.

I will be angry with about 75 percent of my relatives for all of 2020, continuing my family tradition of not getting along in 2019, 2018, etc.

Palmetto Bay, Cutler Bay, and Homestead will get their rail south. Actually that was just a joke. Won’t happen.

Brickell will flood four times this year (favorite number), as well as Key Biscayne. I’m hoping all the stupid golf carts that Key Biscayne residents use will be swept out to sea.

The corner where NE 6th Avenue, Dixie Highway, and NE 125th Street meet in North Miami: I predict a much-needed explosion will occur so they can start over and have it make sense.

In 2020 I expect to see more Cuban and Venezuelan food fights up and down the Biscayne Corridor, both vying for supremacy of the palate. In an unexpected upset, Creole restaurants will dominate by the end of the year.

Daniella Levine Cava will become the first woman mayor of Miami-Dade County. Alex Penelas, who is running against Levine Cava, will mysteriously disappear just before the election (like he did when he was supposed to campaign for Al Gore during the hanging-chad election). Penelas will never be seen again.

Finally, I predict all the writers for Biscayne Times will get a raise in 2020.

Happy New Year, you wacky bunch of readers!


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