The Biscayne Times

Apr 05th
Biscayne Crime Beat December PDF Print E-mail
Written by Derek McCann, BT Contributor   
December 2019

policeman_stopStop Whining -- He Has It Much Worse

300 Biscayne Blvd.

A homeless man was sleeping outdoors, on the filthy sidewalk, his usual nightly accommodations. He kept all his possessions in a backpack. Sadly, this bag held not only his bank account but also his valuable life items. Well, sad to say, he violated Homeless Living 101 when he set his backpack down beside him, instead being street smart and using said bag as a pillow. It was stolen, of course, so what’s the poor guy to do? Think on this, Miamians, and quit bitching about the lawn chairs being out of place by the pool. Show some gratitude and kindness this holiday season.


She Was Too Busy to Notice

100 NE 2nd Ave.

This woman was dancing away the night. After all, this is Miami, and party central, right? Even at a shady though chill dive, right? She had her cell phone swiped clean out of her zipped-up purse, which she said was on her side. She’d taken all the necessary precautions, she insisted, adding, “I so can’t believe they took my phone? I mean, do you like believe that?” She called the phone, but it was turned off. There are no leads, of course. People never get their phones back.


This Just Made a Bike Thief’s Day

7900 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

A man parked his bike and entered a smoke shop. And when we say “parked,” we do mean just that. He didn’t chain it or secure it by any means. So it took just a few minutes for some opportunistic thug to grab the bike and pedal north along the Boulevard. Surveillance cameras don’t have a good image of the thief. The mindboggling detail is that this chump just parked his bike. This is Miami, people! At least he gets a mention in Crime Beat.


Tricked While Waiting

1000 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

Now, this she should have seen coming. A mom and her son were waiting for their Uber ride downtown, with Mom no doubt hoping she wouldn’t have to pull her gun -- yes, she was packing heat. Despite that bulge on her person, a group of teenagers walked by her, and one of them, she thinks, “bumped” her. You’d think you’d remember a suspicious bump, right? And not just “think it happened”? The Uber ride did come, and that’s when Mom realized her phone had been “bumped” right out of her pants pocket, though she still had her gun. So Mom couldn’t give an Uber review, and you know how they want those right away.


Good Thing They Weren’t Friends

100 Block of NE 82nd Street

A dispute occurred between two roommates. The victim, who referred to her male roommate as “an acquaintance,” reported that she had asked said person to leave the premises. This caused a problem. After he gave her back his key, he left but returned to the apartment and kicked down the door, screaming at his former roommate/acquaintance: “I am going to kill you!” The landlord was also threatened. The enraged man did leave again, but not before throwing a garbage can at a car, causing $1500 in damage. Police tracked him down, at which time he said he had no idea what they were talking about or how that small baggie of weed got into his pocket.


The Tale of the Bike Lock

100 NE 2nd Ave.

During the course of his daily bike ride, this cycle warrior parked his bike at a bike rack, using a Kryptonite lock. So, of course, if Superman can’t break it, it must be the perfect lock, right? This is Miami, people, and guess what? Superman is not in the business of stealing bikes! The man said he was completely shocked that someone was able to rip open the Kryptonite. He duly filed his police report, but we bet that his bike is waiting for a spot under the Christmas tree of its new home.


That Pillow Must Give Sound Sleep

6500 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

Another homeless man complained to city workers about a burglary. He’s a veteran of the homeless wars and knew the ropes -- or so he thought. He was sleeping on a pillow that, yes, covered his belongings, with his head firmly weighing it down. Yet somehow someone was able to remove all of his things, and did it clean, gently lifting and lowering his head as he slept. The shocked man told police that he could not believe a perp -- and likely a homeless perp -- could just magically steal his stuff.


Uber, Cut and Run

400 NE 68th St.

Our victim hopped into her Uber and took her ride uptown. As she was getting out, she carelessly left her phone on the seat, then remembered and waved to the driver to stop. He did and she opened the door. Both stared at the Metro PCS phone as it lay on the seat. Just as the woman reached for it, the driver hit the gas, causing the woman to fall. She tried calling her phone, but the driver didn’t answer, naturally. She called Uber HQ and was told the man never reported back to work. Why, Miami, are we so careless with our phones when they are our new wallets?


Victoria, He’s Robbing You Blind

401 Biscayne Blvd.

At Victoria’s Secret, which most men avoid unless they’ve been dragged there by their girlfriends, a brazen and sudden theft occurred. The stolen items? Bikini-fit undergarments. And they were stolen to the tune of $1000. That’s a lot of underwear for one active gent to share. An employee saw him stuffing the bikinis in his own undergarments, as well as into a black bag he had with him. In fact, the employee watched for quite a while since it took some time. There is video available upon request, but it has not been requested.


Loss Prevention Got It Half Right

3200 Block of N. Miami Avenue

At this retail establishment, two loss-prevention officers were patrolling the premises. There were also two skanky-looking males carrying Footlocker bags. They’re in a Nordstrom Rack, so it’s definitely upscale, retail-wise. And they’re using the gym bags as tools of the craft, placing items -- mainly shoes, because Nordstrom stocks such nice shoes -- into those bags, then trying to make their way out of the store. Did it work? Not a chance. The two loss-prevention officers confronted both men, who ran off. They dropped one of the bags during their flight. Let’s hope the one they managed to hold on to held all left-foot size 6 AAA’s.


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