The Biscayne Times

Apr 05th
Biscayne Crime Beat November PDF Print E-mail
Written by Derek McCann, BT Contributor   
November 2019

policeman_stopGrand Slam Slugger, Miami Style

3600 Biscayne Blvd.

We wonder how often this really happens: A man sits down at the front counter at Denny’s and orders a meal of three separate items, including the famous signature pieces filled with lots of cheese and a big dose of potatoes. When he finishes, he gets up from his seat and calmly walks out the door, getting away with a $21.79 meal. No one makes an attempt to stop him.


Beer Thief Hits 7-Eleven

100 NE 2nd Ave.

The clerk was working the late shift at 7-Eleven when he saw a man grabbing a 12-pack of Budweiser and walking out the door. The clerk was stunned -- and we’re guessing it wasn’t just from the theft, but the very fact that some people still drink Budweiser. The shoplifter started to book it and ran eastbound while carrying the heavy case. So we file this away, that Budweiser is still relevant, at least to thugs.


Cleanliness Is Next to Dumbliness

4500 Block of NE 2nd Avenue

It was late when a man walked by this store and threw a brick-like object through the window, causing it to shatter all over the street. That must be some kind of new “strength test as esteem-building” activity. He then went inside, stole the cash register, and made his exit. But this cash register was empty, so that was a whole lot of terror for nothing. The store owner made sure to clear the glass and wipe everything down before the police arrived. Prints? No way. Being tidy supersedes all common sense.


The Lame Hide-It-in-a-Bag Routine

200 Block of NE 40th Street

This customer, probably a yuppie in tech, who has the money to defecate money away, entered the Christian Louboutin store and went up to the second floor. He took off his sunglasses and placed them on a chair while he continued shopping. This is a high-end establishment, he thought to himself, only civilized people shop here, so my sunglasses will be fine. They weren’t. Store cameras picked up footage of another man grabbing the sunglasses and putting them into a shopping bag. He then walked downstairs and out of the store, driving off in a white SUV. There could be a picture of his license plate on the video. Stay tuned.


Is This the Lowest Form of Scum?

NE 4th Avenue and NE 62nd Street

A woman in a wheelchair was waiting for a Metro bus, past noon on a perfect Miami day. A group of people struck up conversation with her. And while this woman was enjoying their company, no doubt assuming that people are all basically good, a man reached into the pocket at the back of her wheelchair and stole the items there, including her wallet. This was a completely clandestine move, and the woman didn’t notice that her items were gone until she’d boarded the bus. There are no leads, but perhaps a ticket to hell in the thief’s future.


Be Careful of Hiring Extras

6500 Biscayne Blvd.

A man was working on a movie set at this boutique motel, busily going about his activities, which included prepping extras for future scenes. He put down a bag full of items, both personal and professional, and walked around the area freely because everyone else was also working and appeared to be focused on their tasks. Well, one of those extras disappeared without waiting for his $150 check, as he clearly thought the items in the bag carried greater value. The victim walked around the area several times but couldn’t find his bag. There is no footage available on this movie set -- just a Miami welcome to the kind people who are bringing film to the neighborhood.


Every Penny Counts

888 Biscayne Blvd.

We often hear stories about cash or merchandise like jewelry or beer (they can go together) being stolen from a business. In this incident, a male-female team came to the front of this Subway, grabbed the change-maker coin dispenser, and walked out of the store. That rendered them a haul of $43. There is video available. That money can now be invested in better theft tools so they can move up to green bills -- but we’re pretty sure they are happy with their bus change.


Be Safe, Not a Hero

3401 N. Miami Ave.

At this Target, security cameras captured a man, dressed in metrosexual clothing, who grabbed an iPad, then walked to the other side of the store. In the clothing department, he used the acid jeans (so ugly that no one was looking his way) as a cover and took apart the packaging and removed all theft stickers so the alarm would not go off when he exited. And exit he did, with a brand-new iPad. An employee actually witnessed the theft, but after seeing how large this man was, he wisely chose not to be the hero.


Just One of the Regulars

800 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

At this CVS, employees serve a diverse Miami community, and they do so at any hour of the day, it being a 24-hour store. One of their usual customers walked the aisles and was seen putting Tide Pods into a bag. The employees didn’t think twice about it, as he always pays like most customers. But their faith in humanity and in people doing the right thing has likely been tragically shattered. The regular exited out the front door with his free Tide pods. So even those we trust will get over on us. Going forward, some customers will no doubt need store escorts. How sad is the loss of innocence among those now-jaded employees.


The Dark Side of High-End Retail

100 Block of NE 40th Street

Women love their Fendi bags, and boyfriends need to be aware of how much they need to invest in their latest flame. In this case, the guy didn’t need money, just a diversion. Two people who turned out to be his accomplices (one of them the main squeeze of the future thief) distracted the store clerk as her thug female friend grabbed a small bag and put it into her larger bag. She left, followed by her scumbucket friends. All three got into a white SUV and drove off. Retail employees at this store should be wary of getting into engrossing conversations with customers. We suggest you just be snooty and cold, like most of the high-end retail workers we know.


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