The Biscayne Times

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Aug 19th
Biscayne Crime Beat August PDF Print E-mail
Written by Derek McCann, BT Contributor   
August 2019

 

policeman_stopI Need These More Than You Do

2900 Block of NE 7th Avenue

It was laundry day and this tenant had spent a sleepy Saturday morning doing several loads of clothes in her apartment. She finished at 1:00 p.m., but eight hours later, she discovered that her iron and a blouse were missing. There is no sign of forced entry, but the victim said there are fingerprints on the sliding glass door where entry was made. Prints were taken but no matches found, and the Mystery Martha Stewart Burglar may already be wearing her new favorite blouse for a night on the town.

 

There’s No Serenity Here

600 Block of NE 72nd Street

This man was working on his laptop and made sure to save his latest MS Word document so he could come back to it later. He was famished so left to grab a bite to eat. He was gone less than an hour and returned to find his home alarm ringing. He checked the back of the home and saw that the glass on two windows had been shattered. Once inside, he thought everything seemed okay -- at first -- but then he was horrified to find his laptop missing. His work was gone. This was only item missing. Let us hope he backed it up on the cloud. Let this be a lesson for you, readers.

 

The Last Depot

2700 Block of N. Miami Avenue

Police were summoned to a tattoo shop about a burglary. The front glass door had been completely shattered, and some tattooing items were taken. There are no leads. Many people are scared of people with tattoos, so it’s kind of surprising this location was hit -- the veneer of ink intimidation appears to be fading into a thing of the past.

 

In a Word, It’s a Tool

NE 79th Street and N. Miami Avenue

In what turns out to be a puzzling tidbit, a man notified police that he was missing “his tool.” The police report does not specify what kind of tool it was, only that the victimized man was missing...his little friend, we guess. He said he left the “tool” alone, on a Miami street, and that the “tool” was taken, kidnapped, and likely handed off to smugglers. Police gave the man a case card, but it did little good. An appropriate identification of the “tool” could not be produced due to victim’s paucity of words.

 

Some People Don’t Deserve Nice Things

400 Block of NE 63rd Street

This victim was renting a house with a screened-in pool, which is where he says he spends most of his days. He had to sleep eventually and went to bed. He later found that his laptop had been stolen from the screened-in area. He said he did lock the screen door, but the thief kicked it in. The computer was one of the fancier new Apple models and is now no doubt sitting in the burglar’s house, where said burglar is placing online orders with the victim’s credit card info.

 

The Sounds of Stealth

4800 Block of Biscayne Boulevard

A woman was going for her lunch break at Publix. She bought an iced tea and stashed her wallet inside a Publix plastic bag for safekeeping before she left the store. Hours later she found the bag empty. It is not clear if she put it down, as she also hinted that it was on her person the whole time. She wondered how it was missing because her wallet is very large and would have made a crashing sound had she dropped it. There was no sound -- just the mysterious disappearance of matter in the universe. No leads for police; just this report for us, so please be aware of sketchy people with large wallets if you can, and call police.

 

Rider Gets Shafted on Hop-On Bus

401 Biscayne Blvd.

Our victim was using a Miami vernacular, we think, when he told police that he got on the “hop on and hop off” bus and took the loop to Bayside, where he transferred to another bus. On this bus he remembers sending a text message to a friend. He then put his cell phone back in a carry bag. By the time he came to his stop, the cell phone was gone, and he believes that someone on the bus took it, though he has no idea who it could have been. The old lady in the wheelchair creating a visual distraction when she boarded? It’s a mystery for our victim, who really just needs to use his pants pocket for his cellphone in the future.

 

Ransacked and Abused.

600 Block of NE 56th Street

A man came home and got out his key to open the lock when he was horrified that his lock, and the entire door, was missing, torn from the hinges. He searched his home and didn’t see any missing items, but he discovered another side door was also missing. So two doorways were now providing open access to the nighttime goons, sort of like Walking Dead. Homeowner is encouraged to board things up before the next invasion.

 

Sometimes You Need to Do a Background Check

2200 Biscayne Blvd.

A business owner was notified by one of his employees that the back-patio door was open, even though the owner had secured it the night before. He does have surveillance video of the incident, and on that video is an employee riding a bike to the location and then jumping a back fence. He then removed a pressure cleaner. He carried the pressure cleaner to the Dumpster. About 30 minutes later, a white van drove up and out stepped the rogue employee, who placed the cleaner in the van, never to be seen again. Owner has no information on this employee, aside from telling him: “You look strong. I’ll hire you.” No leads, but use this example as a reminder to check the Miami-Dade jail system before you hire.

 

Taking His Time For the Perfect Burglary Experience

2500 Biscayne Blvd.

A thug arrived at this property on a bicycle and parked it, then went for the Dumpster. Yes, Dumpsters seem to be pretty hot for criminals nowadays. He removed his item -- another pressure cleaner! -- and walked off, carrying it without incident. He left his bike there but did come back an hour later and calmly retrieved it.

 

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