|Biscayne Crime Beat (February)|
|Written by Jim Mullin|
An Eye for the Finer Things
8000 Block of NE 1st Avenue
Crooks nowadays have many sides to them. Some are mere ruffians who employ a scorched-earth strategy, while others just want the finer things in life. This perpetrator broke into a vacant home and promptly stole a chandelier. We gather his reasoning was that no one was currently enjoying it, so why let it go to waste? He made his entrance by breaking the side window and exiting the front door. Nothing else was touched.
Grandma and Grandpa Get Taken
1200 Block of NE 83rd Street
An elderly couple welcomed their granddaughter into their home because she claimed she needed to take a shower. While the couple watched television, they curiously did not hear the shower running. They searched the house only to find their garage door opened. And with the open door came the realization that their generator had been stolen. The couple believes the granddaughter had help -- likely, her scummy boyfriend. No arrests have been made at press time.
Man’s Wallet Parties All Night
900 Block of NE 2nd Avenue
Man was at his local club, dancing the night away and letting off some of that workday steam. However, something unexpected happened to him, because he woke up, after a blackout, in a chair outside the club. What a great way to greet prospective patrons, with a slobbering drunk near the entrance! His pockets were completely empty. Apparently he had been escorted out of the club by bouncers because he had too much to drink. Don’t know if they emptied his pockets, but it just means more workday torture to earn back that lost money, not to mention a splitting hangover.
Time to Really Think About Quitting
200 Block of Biscayne Boulevard
For the smoker, nothing goes better with a meal than that post-dinner puff. This person couldn’t wait for the check, so he went outside to appease his deadly addiction. Knowing he was coming back, he left his cell phone on the table. It was stolen within minutes. There is video surveillance of the thief, but phone calls placed to him have not been returned.
A Happy Ending for Crooks
200 Block of NE 71st Street
Two potential customers walked into a massage parlor to inquire about rates and services. One asked to use the restroom. The employee on duty walked him over there. When she returned to the front desk, the other man was gone, as was a laptop computer. The employee attempted to chase after him, but he got away. At this point, the man who had been in the restroom was at the front desk, burrowing through the drawers. He eventually left. The whole incident was caught on camera. No arrests at press time.
The Sweet Smell of Loot
600 Block of NE 39th Street
A flower shop owner was in the process of paying his driver. He placed $80 on the counter and walked away. The driver was not yet present, but later they both looked at the surveillance video and saw a well-known homeless man creep his way into the business and snatch the money away. The homeless gentleman is recognizable to the business owner because he often goes through the garbage and removes discarded flowers. This time, flowers apparently were not enough. A warrant has been issued.
A Flood of Crime
100 Block of NE 39th Street
With old man winter upon us, many Floridians are looking for ways to beat the cold. (We are admittedly wimps in this regard.) Well, instead of buying a water heater, this criminal elected to steal one from a building. He was not successful, but he did sever the building’s pipes, causing almost $2 million in water damage to the property. As a result, those poor people in the building will now have to bear the brunt of our bone-rattling 65-degree weather. As Jimmy Carter famously once said: Time to break out the sweaters.
This Crook Had to Go Bad
100 Block of NE 54th Street
If you want to use the restroom at a public establishment, you must be a customer; at least that is what we are told. But there’s another way. A person broke into a business, then broke a hole in a wall leading to the restroom of an adjacent business. He proceeded to defecate in the toilet, and did not have the courtesy to flush. The owner noticed the odor immediately, but the mystery man was gone. While several items were stolen, the police report does not indicate what those items were. We’re guessing toilet paper and fragrance spray are the likely items missing.
Cops Say Scam Didn’t Work, Ask for Refund
1700 Block of Biscayne Boulevard
Returning items has always been a Boulevard scam, but this one was just plain stupid. Under video surveillance, a man walked empty-handed into a store and grabbed a 12-cup coffee maker. He placed it in a plastic store bag he had brought with him (subtle) and went to the customer service desk in an effort to “return” it. The fact he had no receipt and was carrying the coffee maker in a ratty bag aroused some suspicion. The coffee maker, valued at $90, was promptly entered as evidence as the loss-prevention officer had observed the shenanigans. The man was arrested.
Thievery Made Easy
NE 1st Avenue and NE 5th Street
Looking for that cheap Mac? Wiser to pay full price. A man responded to an ad on Craig’s List for a MacBook Pro computer and via text messages negotiated a $500 price. The seller provided the location where the deal was going to go down. When the victim entered the man’s car, the seller produced a black handgun and demanded the money. He also took the victim’s wallet. He then ordered the hapless buyer out of the car. A struggle ensued and the buyer was able to grab a black bag from the car (it did not belong to him but we guess that is tit for tat). After throwing his victim out of the car, the perpetrator raced off. Arrests have not been made, but be forewarned about the unregulated ease of Craig’s List.
Oh, Yes, It’s Losers’ Night
7005 Biscayne Boulevard
Oh, the Jamboree Lounge, a place for dimly lit decadence; just buy a drink and head to the backroom, guys. There is a cover charge, though, and this particular gent did not want to pay. When confronted by the doorman after entering, the patron pulled out a gun and robbed the doorman of the lounge’s loot. He even took the doorman’s keys and cell phone for good measure. A warning to all our lecherous Miami denizens: If you are in that dark room, you may end up holding something that will actually shoot back, but not in the way you expect.
Volume 12, Issue 5. July 2014
Unexpected things can happen when artists are immersed in nature, solitude, and the River of Grass
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